


Hold Me Tight, Or Don't

by TheVagabondBoy



Series: Shoot the Sunshine into My Veins [23]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overstimulation, Panic Attacks, Protective Frank Castle, Protective Steve Rogers, Psychosomatic pain/injury, Temporary Hearing Loss, and he just wants to help, and i love him, peter parker is an innocent cinnamon roll who can do no wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVagabondBoy/pseuds/TheVagabondBoy
Summary: Matt wasn’t sure how it happened, how any of it happened.One second, everything was perfectly normal. Then...it just suddenly wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what did it. He couldn’t say.





	Hold Me Tight, Or Don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IanPeriwinkle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IanPeriwinkle/gifts).



> Title from:  
> HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T, by Fall Out Boy

Matt wasn’t sure how it happened, how any of it happened.

One second, everything was perfectly normal. Then...it just suddenly wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what did it. He couldn’t say.

They were in the living room. Not the whole team, but close to it. Frank wasn’t there, and neither were Clint or Bucky; Matt could hear gunshots in the distance, they were at the range. The rest of them were all gathered in front of the TV.

Matt wasn’t sure what they were watching; he was focused on the book in his lap, trying to shut out all the noise so he could interpret the raised dots. There was just...a lot happening at once. The feeling of the plastic pages under his fingers, the roughness of the dots scraping his fingertips, the feeling of the fabric of his clothes on his skin, the smell of Lord knows how many people swirling around his head, and the noises;  _ the noises! _ Heartbeats, breathing, stomachs churning, bones grinding, gunshots, the TV blaring.

It was just too much. He couldn’t breathe. It felt like his brain was too full; it couldn’t take in another little thing, there was already too much in there, too much noise and too many smells and too many sensations, his skin was crawling. He could feel the shivers running up and down his spine, slithering out through the rest of his skeleton from there. He was choking on all the smells, he was getting so dizzy.

Someone touched his arm. He wasn’t sure who it was. He couldn’t separate their scent from the rest. They spoke to him, but their voice was lost in the noise. It was as though they didn’t exist at all. It somehow felt as though that person, whoever they were, wasn’t real; couldn’t feel them, hear them, smell them, nothing, they didn’t exist.

The person said something more. This time, their voice didn’t get lost. This time, it felt like they were an inch away from his ear, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Matt flinched away. He clutched at his head.

They tried to touch him again. Their hands were all over him, fire and brimstone against his skin, his clothes felt like grates on him, scraping away his flesh. He had to get away, had to get away from them, from all of it, somewhere quiet and lonely, no one to touch him or to smell or listen to.

He was clambering over the back of the couch before he knew it, desperate to separate himself from everything. People were talking and saying his name but he couldn’t hear them, they were all muffled and weird and kind of fuzzy somehow.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get any air, what was happening? Fuck, where was Frank, Frank always knew what to do when this happened, just needed someone to make it all  _ stop! _

It went dark, and it went quiet.

Matt screamed.

*

The lights flashed, and the buzzer sounded. They all put down their weapons, targets reeling in for inspection.

Frank really wished he could get the range to himself for once. He just wanted  _ an hour, _ where it was just him, all alone, and he could focus.

They were halfway through comparing their targets, when the lights went red and the Alarm went off.  _ Shit! _

“Emergency in the living room!” Friday informed raptly.

The living room? What the hell?

All three of them dropped all they carried, grabbed the closest weapon, and ran out the door.

“Sitrep!” Bucky shouted as they ran.

He was taking it easy, staying with the normal humans. Strategic thinking, best not to run full speed into the unknown.

“Something’s happening with Murdock!” Friday answered.

Matt? Oh, no...no, no, no, what happened? Was he hurt? Were they under attack? Frank’s heart raced and pounded, he could feel the panic grip him. Fuck, he couldn’t take it if Matt was hurt, if he had to pretend not to care while Matt was hurt or dying, he couldn’t do it, he wouldn’t survive it if Matt- if he-  _ if he was gone, _ he couldn’t do it, couldn’t take it. Oh, God, Matt was screaming, Frank could hear him, fuck, he sounded so scared, like he was in pain, Frank’s heart ached.

They all burst into the living room.

Matt was on the floor, hiding under the long dining room table, chairs pushed aside and tipped over. He clawed at one of the legs of the table, holding onto it like he was going to float away if he didn’t. He was crying and screaming, gasping for air between his panicked noises.

Everyone was standing all around, looking confused as hell and worried and scared, they were arguing about what to do, about what they thought caused this, about what was wrong with the blind man.

Frank was frozen solid.

_ What was he supposed to do? _

Couldn’t tell them anything, couldn’t tell them he knew what was happening, couldn’t tell them Matt was deaf, couldn’t tell them Frank himself was the  _ cause _ of it, couldn’t help in any way at all.

“We have to get him to the infirmary.” Bruce decided, raising his voice to be heard over Matt’s yelling. “Once he’s there, we can figure out what’s wrong.”  


“How are we supposed to get him there?” Peter questioned. “I-I-I mean, I could web him up and we could carry him, b-but I don’t think he’s gonna like that all too much!”

“What he wants doesn’t matter right now!” Sam said.  _ “I’m sorry, _ but it’s the truth! We have to get him somewhere safe, where he can’t get hurt and we can take care of him.”

Steve nodded, a grim look on his face. “Surround him. I’ll try to grab him.” he said. “We can apologize later.”

Everyone started moving, started circling around Matt, surrounding him. Frank couldn’t move. Steve approached Matt carefully. He grabbed Matt’s arm, wrapped tightly around the table leg. Matt screamed as if stabbed, kicking his legs out at Steve and trying to get his arm free. Steve didn’t hold too tight, maybe scared he’d crush a fragile human, his grip was off. Matt slipped him. He screamed still, crawling on all four in a random direction to get away from whatever horror had tried to trap him. The others readied themselves to jump at him, to tackle him and hold him down.

_ Fuck it all, Frank couldn’t watch this, couldn’t let it go on. _

He raised his gun. He aimed at Steve.

“Drop your weapons.”

Everyone turned to him; they were confused at first, at why he would keep them from ‘helping’, then they all looked angry. No one was surprised, though. Hell, they probably all thought he wanted nothing more in the world than for Matt to suffer.

They looked to Steve. The Captain’s eyes were cold as ice, his stare sharp enough to cut a man down. But Frank didn’t fold.

“What’re you doing, Castle?” the Captain asked, voice steely and hard.

Frank moved the gun. He aimed at a random person,  _ Tony,  _ instead. The tight line of Steve’s mouth pursed even further, brows drawing together.

“Don’t want to.” Frank said. “But I will.  _ If _ I have to.”

He pulled the hammer back, cocking the gun.

Steve gritted his teeth. He nodded, at last.  _ Smart man. _ He knew Frank would pull the trigger if he was pushed far enough.

Clint and Bucky leaned down. They placed the weapons they had grabbed, on the floor.

Matt had barely made it out from under the table. He sat paralyzed in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around himself and holding himself tight since no one else would.

“Get back!” Frank ordered, jerking his head towards the back of the room. “Over there!  _ Move it!” _

No one moved.

The marine was quite surprised when Peter stepped between him and the Captain.

“C’mon, Steve! I don’t like this either, but they’ve known each other for  _ a lot _ longer than any of us have!” Peter said raptly. “They’re-  _ he and Matt are-“ _

Frank was going to fucking strangle that damn kid if he blabbed about Matt and him.

Peter groaned, annoyed. “Maybe Castle knows what he’s doing!”

“Yeah, Steve, maybe I know what I’m doin’.” Frank bit.

_ “Shut the hell up, Castle!” _ Clint interjected, but just like Peter, he stepped between the soldier and the marine. ”The kid’s right, Steve! They’ve been workin’ together  _ for years! _ I don’t like it too much either, but I can live with givin’ Castle the benefit of the doubt on this one. And can we  _ please, _ just decide what to do already, because Murdock ain’t gettin’ any better!”

As if on cue, Matt let out loud, guttural sob.

Frank needed to make it stop, his heart couldn’t take it listening to those wracked, terrified noises.  _ C’mon, someone just make a fucking decision, because Frank couldn’t stand there any longer, just listening to Matt cry. _

Steve was first to start backing away. The others followed his lead. Frank didn’t care how far they got, didn’t care about the dirty looks they were giving him. All he cared about was Matt.

The circle was disbanded; everyone had moved away.

Frank slipped his gun into the back of his jeans. He ran at Matt, falling on his knees in front of the man. He grabbed Matt’s wrists.

Again Matt screamed, and again he tried to kick and fight. Frank didn’t mind. He pulled Matt’s hands to himself, placing the tightly clenched fists against his cheeks.

The scream died in Matt’s throat. His hands unfurled.

“It’s me, ‘m right here, right here with ya, I got ya.” he muttered, even when knowing Matt couldn’t hear him. “You see me? See my face? It’s me, you know me.”

Matt felt over his face, blind eyes darting around as if trying to see what he was feeling. His fingers moved along Frank’s jaw and to his ears, they grazed over his cheeks and the rough stubble on them, to his lips and his nose, over his closed eyes, but settled finally, for cradling his face gently.

_ “Frank...?” _

Frank took one of Matt’s hands in his own. He held it up, and moved it slowly up and down a few times, a sort of nod.  _ Yes. _

Matt exhaled a shivering breath, all but collapsing in on himself. Frank got to his feet again, and helped Matt up as well. The blind man’s breathing was erratic as hell; his whole body was shaking with it, he gasped for every breath. Frank, still holding Matt’s hand, turned his back to the man. Matt felt up Frank’s arm, to his shoulders, stepping closer. Frank easily carried him on his back. Matt hugged him tight, hand clutching at Frank’s shirt to keep him from fading from existence.

He barely glanced at the others before hurrying away to Matt’s room.

*

“Friday, black out everything, no surveillance.” Frank ordered, pushing Matt’s bedroom door closed with his foot. “Set voice volume to 20%, shut off AC, lights off. If it makes a sound,  _ shut it down.” _

“Got it.” the AI responded, voice already lowered to something just above a whisper.

Frank shuffled over to the bed. He turned his back to it, and lowered Matt onto it as gently as he could. The blind man jumped, surprised and confused for a moment, before he seemed to recognize the feeling of the mattress under him. He followed Frank’s arm to his hand, refusing to let go of the man for even a moment, but he shuffled a little further back onto the bed, giving Frank some room too. Frank didn’t hesitate. He kicked off his boots, set the gun aside on the nightstand, and joined Matt. He pulled up the covers, and wrapped both it and himself around Matt.

*

“What happened, sunshine?” Frank asked softly, whispering. “You wanna talk about it?”

Matt sniveled. Frank wiped his hand across Matt’s cheek, drying away the tears.

“I...I just, it all just...”

He made a strange gesture with his hand, between their chests.

“Too much?” Frank asked. “Too much at once?”

Matt nodded. His eyes glazed over, tears welling up all over again.

“It’s okay. ‘S okay, baby.” Frank told him, pulling Matt to him again.

He held Matt close, the blind man’s ear pressed to his chest, over his heart.

“’S not your fault, baby, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m always right here, sunshine, no matter what. I got you.”

*

“D’you have to go?”

Frank let out a soft sigh, petting Matt’s head which rested on his chest. “I should.” he said. “They’ll be askin’ questions. Gotta deal with ‘em sooner or later.”

“Can’t you just stay?” Matt whispered. “Fuck their questions.”

“I can tell ‘em the truth, if you want. Come right back when it’s done. Get ‘em off our backs.”

Matt sighed then. “No...I don’t...I can’t do all  _ that _ right now.”

Frank kissed his head. “It’s okay. I’ll...figure somethin’ out. When they ask.” he said. “You just...rest. And I’ll be right back as soon as you need me. Okay?”

“Okay...”

Matt lifted his head. He pressed his lips to Frank’s, and Frank put all the love he had into that kiss.

When they parted again, Frank shuffled out of bed.

*

He managed to get to the terrace without running into anyone. He had just enough time to light a cigarette and take a deep drag, before the whole team welled out to join him.

His hands were shaking, heel tapping and knee bouncing. Fucking shit...God, he wanted to fucking cry.

“What the hell was that?” Steve asked bitingly.

Peter stood just behind Steve, an apologetic look on his face. Kid probably tried talking them all out of doing this, whatever  _ this _ was.

Frank exhaled the smoke. “Panic attack, caused by overstimulation, leading to psychosomatic hearing loss.” he said tiredly.

“And you didn’t think that maybe  _ explaining _ that would’ve been a better way to go about it than pointing a gun at us?” Tony questioned, just as venomous as Steve, if not more.

Frank hated this. He didn’t want to lie anymore. It was getting hard to live with it all. The lying and the sneaking around, and the  _ not being able to hold his husband or kiss him or do anything but pretend to hate him. _

Frank flicked the cigarette away, not caring where it landed.  _ “He got scared.” _ he said as he turned to them all, finally. “And honestly, I don’t blame him! I’d be scared as hell too if I was  _ blind and deaf, _ and people were tryin’ to grab me like that too! And as far pointin’ that gun at you? Fuck, I might not like Murdock, but  _ I like the rest of you a whole hell of a lot less. _ If I gotta pick between him and you? You can be damn sure he’s the lesser evil.”

No one tried to stop him as he moved around them to get to the door. And he was just about to step inside, but...stopped. He wasn’t sure why he stopped. He looked back at the team, and their hard eyes stared back at him.

“I might not like the guy, but I’ve had to deal with his sad ass for years. Shit happens. You learn to handle it.” he said. “And trust me, I know the hole he’s stuck in. All I can do is grab a shovel, hop on down, and help dig his stupid ass out.”

He went inside, leaving the rest of them outside on the terrace to do whatever the hell they wanted. He couldn’t give less of a shit about any of them.

**Author's Note:**

> what i need to do, is stop starting new fics when i have several in progress, especially if theyre all in the same series
> 
> buuuuuuuut if youre wondering abt the whole thing with peter knowing about matt and frank, dont worry, therell be a fic abt that too
> 
> if i can manage to fucking write something for once
> 
> (and yes, i will finish the works that are in progress in this series, i promise, i will, writing is just really hard and im bad at it)


End file.
